Coin Flip Now Decides Blame Instead of Fate
Trump Unveils New National Motto: “Never Say Sorry, Say It Louder” — Replaces E Pluribus Unum on All Currency
Coin Flip Now Decides Blame Instead of Fate
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold rewrite of American values, Donald J. Trump has introduced a new national motto: “Never Say Sorry, Say It Louder,” replacing the Latin phrase *E Pluribus Unum* on all U.S. currency with a more assertive, unapologetic mantra “that people can actually understand.”
“Nobody knows what that Latin junk meant anyway,” Trump said, holding up a redesigned $100 bill featuring himself, his plane, and a glowing thumbs-up where Franklin’s face used to be. “But they know what *louder* means.”
The Treasury Department has fast-tracked new coins with built-in voice chips that yell “Fake News!” when flipped.
All bills now feature gold foil accents, no fine print, and QR codes linking to speeches Trump made in the rain.
The new dollar also smells faintly of spray tan and has a texture described as “firm, like conviction.”
Melania reportedly asked if the motto came in a quieter font, then left the room.
High schools are replacing civics class with “Motto Appreciation,” where students chant slogans and practice eye contact with mirrors labeled “The Only Voter That Matters.”
“America runs on courage, capitalism, and not one damn apology,” Trump declared. “Now our money proves it.”
=========
SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
